You know that feeling, when a gathering or meeting just isn’t going as well as it should? When something feels off but we just can’t quite put our finger on it? It might be a wobbly because people are not clear on what I call the “hosting pattern” for the gathering, and the roles and responsibilities for hosts and participants associated with two different kinds of patterns.

Two hosting patterns

I met 12 fabulous new people over the course of nine months in an online learning environment last year. We would not have met without having gathered around a teacher we were all attracted to learn from.

We gathered in the host-attractor pattern: the teacher, our host for each call, was the center of attention. He took this work seriously and laid the ground for a good learning environment for participants:

He met each of us ahead of time, individually, to make sure we were clear about what we were signing up for
He provided us with some guidelines and agreements about how we were expected to behave
He made himself available to each of us, privately, as needed

Each time we meet as a group, he took the lead and hosted us. He was the leader of the overall process at all times, gracefully checked in to make sure the program was working for us, and offered us timely ‘teachings’ along the way.

We were firmly in the host-attractor pattern: a clear leader at the center to provide focus. He took the lead and hosted us well, with care.

In contrast, the host-on-the-rim pattern involves a deepening of the community field through a distribution of leadership.

I first came across this explicitly as part of a community of practice thirteen years ago (the Ginger Group Collaborative) that gathered once or twice a year for an “inquiry”, a gathering where a small team of hosts would host the others in an exploration of a topic for several days. Each time we met a different team of hosts hosted us; as a whole we were a community on a journey of discovery.

The Ginger Group Collaborative’s inquiry process

“Both have value, their time and place.”

The host-attractor and the host-on-the-rim patterns are significantly different in how they feel; the former is about learning from a leader or teacher, the latter is about learning from the community that has gathered. Both have value, their time and place. Understanding this difference, and the roles and responsibilities we have as hosts and participants enables us to better choose how to create the spaces in which we think, make and do new things that best serve our cities, workplaces, communities and families.

Roles and responsibilities

Think of the host-attractor and host-on-the-rim patterns as poles on a continuum, rather than either/or. For example, in the host-attractor pattern, the roles are clear and familiar to us; they feel comfortable. In the host-on-the-rim pattern, the roles can be, or feel, vague; this feels uncomfortable. Further, in the former, there is a clear leader (authority) who will deal with a participant who doesn’t fit. In the latter, this is less clear.

In the host-attractor pattern

Roles:
- A fixed host that leads the process at all times
- Participants engage actively in the learning experience with care for each other
Responsibilities:
- The host lays the ground rules or agreements for a safe container for the community, help people show up well, remove participants as needed
- Participants – discern if the community and agreements are good fit (yes – show up well, no – remove oneself)

In the host-on-the-rim pattern

Roles:
- Variable hosts that each lead the process from time to time
- Participants engage actively in the learning experience and step in to host from time to time
Responsibilities:
- Participants – establish a clear purpose for the group and the agreements about how to be together, take turns hosting each other, hold each other accountable to your agreements, notice if you fit
- Rotating hosts – remind the group of purpose and agreements, host in ways that serve what the community needs, help make space for those that don’t quite fit

Challenges

There are distinct roles and responsibilities that come with these two patterns, and by knowing them we can identify which pattern is appropriate for a given context. We can choose the pattern. The challenges come when we misunderstand the roles and responsibilities of hosts and participants. If not addressed, there are power imbalances that make the circle feel wobbly.

In the case of the host-attractor pattern, there may be expectations of host-attractors to ‘have the answers’ and disappointment and conflict can arise if they do not have—or offer—answers. There is a trap that both hosts and participants can fall into: a desire to follow the insight of a person with power.

A couple years ago I hosted two groups of people, from a non-profit housing organization and a church, joining efforts to build affordable housing. It was a beautiful combination of construction expertise and available land. Most people in the room regularly deferred to The Bishop. While wanting to work collaboratively, there was an explicit expectation that the opinions of the one with power (The Bishop) be received without question.

While uncomfortable, it is healthy for participants to question—and host-attractors to invite questioning—because this is what allows a deepening in the shared community experience. A person with power can be a host or participant, and if that power is not acknowledged, expect a wobbly or ineffective gathering.

“While uncomfortable, it is healthy for participants to question—and host-attractors to invite questioning—because this is what allows a deepening in the shared community experience.”

In the host-on-the-rim pattern, a different trap emerges: a reluctance or resistance to share the role of host. This pattern asks participants to step in to the discomfort of being a leader, if even for a moment. A safe community will make this possible; rotating leadership will not happen in a community where expectations and needs are not discussed.

A neighbourhood group I volunteer with decided to take leadership roles that best suited our styles: the extrovert took the hosting role, the writer was our scribe, the convener was our volunteer coordinator. While we didn’t share the explicit hosting role, we did share the work and spoke candidly about our comfort and how much discomfort would ruin our individual connection to our community and our project. We found our way because we share the work in ways that suited us. Our individual and community well-being—and our identification with our community—rested with all of us. (We expect our pattern will change as we become more comfortable with each other.)

“The challenges in each pattern are about power dynamics and the power we give—consciously and unconsciously—to a host or the community, to a handful (or one) or to the whole.”

The challenges in each pattern are about power dynamics and the power we give—consciously and unconsciously—to a host or the community, to a handful (or one) or to the whole.

Signs of a wobbly circle

In the host-attractor pattern, a circle feels wobbly when:

Hosts are expected to have all the answers
Participants are expected to not question hosts, or anyone with authority

In the host-on-the-rim pattern, a circle feels wobbly when:

There is reluctance to share and rotate the hosting work among community members

What to pay attention to

In the host-attractor pattern, the primary danger is:

Going where the host wants to go (from a host-ego place that is not in service to participant learning)

In the host-on-the-rim pattern, the primary danger is:

Going where a few people want to go, rather than discerning where the whole is wanting to go

While each pattern in isolation appears to have distinct challenges, it is not a binary, either/or matter. Most often, both patterns are activated simultaneously, which creates significant challenges to the wellbeing of that circle’s social habitat. These challenges can be addressed when we circle up and talk about what we don’t like to talk about: power.

This is the second post in the “How Much Me?” series about dynamics to explore when hosting a community that wants to be in conversation with itself.

How Much Me? The big facilitation question. (An orientation to the host-attractor and host-on-the-rim patterns)
Power Patterns in Wobbly Circles: Clear roles for hosts and participants help us navigate power patterns (Dig in a little deeper into the host-attractor and host-on-the-rim patterns)

The next post will explore strategies to navigate power patterns.

REFLECTION:

How do you see the host-attractor and host-on-the-rim patterns in your world?
Which of the two pattern is most comfortable you as a facilitator? As a participant? Does context matter?
Under what circumstances is it acceptable to talk about this?

Power Patterns in ‘Wobbly’ Circles