Most meetings involve getting to the meeting, having the meeting and then leaving. We pay little attention to how we arrive or how we leave; we zip in and out. This business as usual practice minimizes our attention to the topic and people at the meetings we attend and what we can accomplish.

A check in to tune in

For years I’ve been spending a bit of time at the beginning and end of meetings to give people (and myself!) opportunities to arrive and depart well. It changes the quality of our time together—and the quality of the work we do or the meaning we make out of our conversation.

After we have had a chance to introduce ourselves, so everyone knows who is in the room, a check-in allows us to more fully arrive at the meeting we are in at that moment. In this practice, we welcome outsiders and activate the expertise of many. Often in the form of a question, we bring a little more of ourselves into the meeting and tune ourselves to the meeting's purpose.

Some sample check-in questions:

How are you arriving today?
What did you say “yes” to when you accepted this invitation?
What is one word to describe your inner weather?
What needs our attention as we work together today?
What do we need to ensure we accomplish by the end of this meeting?
What distractions need your attention today? And which ones do not?

Meetings that start with a check-in have more focus for four reasons:

We each have a chance to leave behind what doesn’t belong in the meeting (i.e., the last meeting or whatever else we were just doing)
We each have a chance to bring what does belong in the meeting (i.e., legitimate distractions, questions to resolve)
We each, and together, tune in to the purpose of the meeting just starting and how we are showing up
What happens in a check-in shapes and informs everything that follows

A check-in can be small and quick or big and long. Either way, it is a significant step that helps us be our best selves. It enables us to focus on the purpose of the meeting and discern wise action.

Two ways to check-in

One at a time—in a line

When we meet in person, a check-in starts with one person and moves around the circle, table, or room. We see who’s turn it is and who will be next. If not ready, we pass, knowing we’ll get a turn later. In an online situation, I’ll name the person to speak and the person who’s next, so no-one is surprised to find it their turn.

The objective is to hear each voice before we start the meeting, trusting that two things are happening:

We focus on this meeting, and
What is said informs the discussion to come

A check-in is an opportunity to value the voices of others. Without interruption, we give space to each other to speak to what resonates for them. Sometimes it feels slow, but the space we give ourselves is magical; it gives us time to pace ourselves.

One at a time—self-selection

Whether the meeting is in person or online, another way to check-in is to ask people to respond to the check-in question as they feel called to do so. Rather than a predictable and linear fashion, individuals choose when they wish to speak. The speakers pop up in random order.

I know it is time to speak when I feel a spark after the words of another, or a simple call, or itch, to speak my words. It might be a word or an image that resonates with what has been spoken or a whole story. Or I may have something different to say and respond to an energetic impulse to speak new words. When we each do this, we amplify our collective voice. We hear each other, and ourselves, better, but only when we make space for ourselves.

7 tips for a generative check-in

A check-in helps individuals and the group be more self-aware, focused and productive. The quality of the check-in affects the degree of self-awareness, focus and productivity. A check-in is a space to weave ourselves together, where we take steps to be whole together. The results show up in:

How we feel (connected to each other and the subject)
What we do (we can get more done with this focus)
How we do it (we are wiser)
Why we do it (we have a stronger shared sense of why even if vague)

The quality of a check-in can be eroded when the social container we create for ourselves is weakened or collapsed. The seven tips below revolve around two things that make us uncomfortable: empty space and listening.

(A note for the introverts out there: introverts tell me while speaking is nerve-wracking to start, that’s not the hard part; it is the collective listening.)

Tip #1: Make the order of speakers clear

It is not a common experience for most people that space is made for everyone to speak, so don’t surprise anyone. Make the order of speakers explicit. If sitting in a circle or around a table, let people know that one person will start, and then we’ll each take turns, proceeding to the left or right of the starting point. (Options: someone on the hosting team starts to model a check-in, choose someone, or let someone in the group self-select to start.) In a room or online, you can ask people to check-in in alphabetical order or by their geographic location (say west to east). I’ve had great fun asking people to organize themselves geographically (north/south or east/west) by the place they were born and then asking a check-in question. Online, I will often name a speaker and the person who will go next. (That “next” person is ready to unmute and is not surprised to find it is their turn to speak.)

Tip #2: Let the words of each speaker linger

To deeply listen, we let the words of each speaker linger without interruption or reaction. In both face-to-face and online worlds, the power of a check-in is diminished with our reactions. As hosts and participants, we may need to remind each other of this.

As a host, resist the urge to provide feedback to each speaker in a check-in because this shifts attention away from the community that has gathered to the host. If comments are directed at one speaker, the attention shifts from the community to the host and a participant. Participants can also erode the quality of a check-in with cheers, jokes, comments and questions, or chiming in with agreement. Every time we chime in, we erode the speakers’ voices, and the quality of the collective field is dissipated because we stop hearing ourselves (self and others).

While not likely to destroy the community, we diminish the quality of community that can be fostered by listening to the whole when we don’t make room for our words to linger.

Tip #3: Let empty space linger

Trust that there is intelligence in empty space and resist the urge to fill it. This compels us to slow down and hear what is happening in self and others and the whole, whether we are meeting in person or online. There is a delicate balance between things taking far too long (especially in an online environment) and rushing. Allow yourself to feel uncomfortable, knowing that our default is to fill empty space because it doesn’t feel good.

In one of my online worlds, the host is worried about the time it takes for us each to check-in, so he jumps in and tells us at random whose turn it is. He meets the objective to hear each voice before we get into the meeting, yet the removal of “empty” spaces diminishes our capacity to respond well to self and others. The reason why is simple: the space between us, in which we energetically notice when it is time to speak is removed. We don’t learn how, as individuals, to notice when we have something to contribute and step in to make that contribution. And as a group, we don’t learn how to make space for each speaker.

Tip #4: If it’s taking a long time, sit and sit and sit in it

A check may take a long time when there is something that needs the group’s significant attention. Again, hearing the voices and experiences of each other is essential to discern our way forward in wise ways from many perspectives.

A couple of years ago, I experienced a three-hour check-in, and the challenge for us was to sit and listen for so long to emotionally heavy material. We took breaks to stretch each time we were a quarter of the way around the circle, but at the last break, with a quarter of our group yet to speak, many of the people who had already spoken released the field: they were chatting and visiting and having fun. Energetically, the last speakers, and their words and emotions, were not held as well as the previous. The container to hold them was weakened.

It is hard work to sit and listen—and it is necessary. The first speakers have a responsibility to hold the last speakers. Cultivate your capacity to sit and listen. Take breaks as needed and be mindful that the break's purpose is to allow us to stretch and move and refocus, not break the field.

Tip #5: Create and make appropriate pauses

There are times during a check-in when a pause makes good energetic sense. For example, ring a bell to mark significant words or emotions, acknowledge what was spoken, and make space for the next speaker. Distinct from an interruption, this responds to the words spoken from the group’s energy, not from anyone’s need to react (not an interruption). When there is a long check-in, it is also reasonable to pause and take a break, with a reminder to continue holding space for those who have spoken and who have yet to speak—and not release the container.

Tip #6: Let participants know how much time they have

If time matters, it’s ok to limit the time a check-in takes. It might need to be fast, and you ask for one word. If you think you have 15 minutes total and 30 speakers, make it thirty seconds each; if you have 90 minutes total, make it 3 minutes each. With everyone’s agreement, a timekeeper is appropriate. (One client has a huge cowbell to ring if people reach their time limit; I’ve never heard it ring.)

Tip #7: Be clear on the purpose of the check-in

Is a speedy check in to quickly see how people are doing at that moment sufficient? Is it a longer round to hear how they are doing and what they think we need to do today? Is it an even longer round to allow reflection on significant events? A different question to ponder: Does it make sense for the check-in to be unrelated to the rest of the meeting, or can it feed the discussion to come?

The time we take for a check-in is driven by purpose, not time. Time to generate personal connections and interconnections is valuable because it connects us to ourselves. Time to begin the work of stitching our experiences and knowledge together is vital because it raises the quality of our insights and actions. And when we know why we include a check-in in our meetings, we’ll get what we’re looking for.

Civic practice

This is what I notice about humans in conversation:

We fear space, so we jump in to fill it
We are uncomfortable listening so we insert our voice over the other

A check-in helps us practice listening to each other and sets us up to listen—to self and others—for the rest of the meeting. A good civic practice that helps us be our best selves, welcome outsiders and activate the expertise of many.

REFLECTION

The tip that most resonates with me is ____, because…
The other things I notice contribute to a good meeting are…

Start Meetings with Good Listening